remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
