is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
