there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I can't turn off my feet"
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
