Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
