nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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