drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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