I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
