Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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