a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
