I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
