If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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