I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize