Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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