i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Randomize
