Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
