I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
