I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
