I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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