you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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