you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
