OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I can't put those talents on a resume
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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