I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
