i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
