So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
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