I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
