im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
