Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
