I think I died a long time ago.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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