Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The feeling are messing with the penis
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Terrible idea I love it
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
