she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
