i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
