Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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