I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
