it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize