There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
NoShamevember. You game?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
