I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
