So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
