I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize