Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
