How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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