Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
