I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
