so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
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