Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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