I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
