I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
