it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
