it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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