let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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