For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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