I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
