Where are you?
In a non slutty way
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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