so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
