never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
