Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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