well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
