What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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