You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
