nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize
