Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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