just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
