trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
and you fell through a lawn chair
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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