i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
