Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I faked an abortion last night.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
