First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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