I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
