you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
